


"Promise me, you'll live a great life without me"

by shuttymcshutfuck



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Dissociation, Grief/Mourning, M/M, and oh boy did it hurt to write, just as angsty as the title suggests, there is no happy ending at all im so sorry, this is basically Martin's side of the season 3 finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:42:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26632312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shuttymcshutfuck/pseuds/shuttymcshutfuck
Summary: "They all agreed that once everything was done, they’d call to say everyone was safe. Martin was using it as a lifeline, waiting to hear Tim’s voice on the other end."orMartin's view of the season 3 finale (MarTim)
Relationships: Martin Blackwood & Tim Stoker, Martin Blackwood/Tim Stoker
Comments: 4
Kudos: 20





	"Promise me, you'll live a great life without me"

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, this is the first of a couple fics i wrote based on tumblr prompts for my friend. I thought i'd put them on here because I like them. As always if I've missed anything that you think should be tagged please let me know and feedback is always appreciated! Enjoy :)

“Martin? There you are.” It must be Melanie since there were only the two of them left, everyone else was away or in jail at this point. Martin sat at his desk looking through a box of statements trying to piece together what goes with what. It helped him to stay busy, if he stayed busy he didn’t have to think about anything. He didn’t have to think about what Elias had shown him, he didn't have to think about where the rest of the team were and he especially didn’t have to think about the fact that they might not come back. That Tim might not come back.

“What’s wrong? Are they back?” He knew he was getting ahead of himself but he couldn’t help it. He needed to make sure everyone was safe.

“No, uh, there’s a tape for you. It was on Elias’s desk.” Melanie had been in there cleaning up a bit and also snooping around to see if she could find anything to use against him. She handed Martin the tape and his heart stopped when he read the label.

“It’s… it’s from Tim?” Martin could feel his chest start to tighten.

“I’ll give you some privacy.” Martin barely acknowledged Melanie leaving the room. He practically ran to Jon’s office to get the cassette player and turned it on.

**_Hey Martin,_ **

**_I felt like I needed to say something in case this whole plan went south. I made sure Elias knew so hopefully you won't have to hear this unless I haven’t made it back to you._ **

Martin immediately turned it off. There was no way he was listening to that. He couldn't listen to the love of his life say goodbye, especially not when he was probably still alive and on his way back. He wandered through to the break room and flicked on the kettle, barely noticing Melanie sitting at the table in the middle of the room.

“So, what was all that about?” Martin could tell she was trying to be friendly but they weren’t really that close. He appreciated it anyway.

“Nothing, yet.”

“Well that sounds ominous as fuck. If you don’t want to talk about it that’s okay.” Martin cracked a tiny smile at the gesture but it felt forced and unnatural. They sat there in silence for a while, staring at the phone in the middle of the table. They all agreed that once everything was done, they’d call to say everyone was safe. Martin was using it as a lifeline, waiting to hear Tim’s voice on the other end. He was snapped out of his daze when Melanie put her hand on his shoulder. It felt like barely any time had passed but it must have been a while because he could see the sun start to set outside.

“Martin, it’s time to go home.” He looked up at her and all he saw was [pity].

“They said they would call. Melanie, why haven’t they called?” He could feel tears start to prick at his eyes.

“Maybe they just forgot, I mean you know how forgetful Tim and Jon can be.” Her face was pulled into an awkward smile, Martin thinks it was supposed to be comforting.

“Yeah… maybe.” Martin's eyes drifted back to the phone.

“How about I take you home? We can order some takeout and maybe watch a movie to take your mind off things.” Melanie placed her hand on Martin’s shoulder. The pressure was grounding him but he wasn’t entirely sure that was a good thing. He slowly nodded and stood up, feeling his joints protest slightly.

“Okay, good. I’ll go grab our coats and I’ll meet you at the front door.” Martin moved slowly, his mind still sitting at the table. He blinked and he was outside the front door with his coat on, waiting for Melanie to lock up. He blinked again and he was at his front door fumbling to get his keys out of his pocket.

As soon as they were inside his phone started to ring. Martin almost dropped it while he scrambled to get it out of his coat pocket.

“Hello? Tim, is that you?” He almost choked on the desperation in his voice.

“Uh, no. It’s Basira.”

“Oh, Basira. How is everyone? Are you on your way back?” Martin heard her sigh.

“Martin, I uh...I don’t know how to tell you this.”

“Just spit it out Basira!”

“They’re gone. Daisy, Tim. They’re both gone. I saw the explosion but they were all still inside. I got out before but I was the only one. Jon’s in critical condition. You should come visit, I’m not sure if he’s… You should come.” Martin couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t speak. His mind was going a thousand miles a minute and he could pick out a single thought. “Martin?”

“Thank you, Basira. I hope you’re okay.” He hung up before he got an answer. “You need to leave.”

“Martin, I don’t think it’s a good idea to leave you alone like this-”

“I SAID LEAVE!” Martin could feel his whole body shaking. As soon as he heard his door shut he collapsed onto the couch, sobs racking his body. He lay there, crying himself to sleep.

~~~

The next morning Martin woke up empty. He ached all over and not just from sleeping on his couch. He dragged himself up and decided to go shower, he had work to do after all. He went through his usual routine but it all felt pointless, hollow, like there was something missing. Someone missing. Getting into the archives was the same. The hours he spent there felt like they dragged on for eternity. That was until he got home again and he realised this was so much worse. He couldn’t bear to stay there any longer so he got back in his car and drove to the hospital. Basira had messaged him earlier that day what hospital Jon was admitted to and it wasn’t too far thankfully.

The silence of the drive was jarring compared to the usual joyful sounds of Tim singing along to the radio and Martin giggling at his dramatics. Martin felt it in his chest, there was something missing and there always would be. He sat by Jon’s bed, just staring at him. There was some awful part of him deep down that wished it was Tim in that bed instead of Jon. He knew that it was bad to think that but he couldn’t help it. He just couldn’t understand why Jon was the only one to survive.

Martin sat there for a few hours before he packed up and went home. He didn’t dare go into his bedroom. He couldn’t look at his bed, the bed he’d shared with Tim. He could barely sit on the couch, his mind being flooded with the fact that he’ll never sit and watch movies with Tim there again, never cuddle him again, never see him again. But the bedroom was worse. He tried to sleep on his couch but he just couldn’t. He ended up cleaning all night until he was supposed to go into work.

Martin went through his work day exhausted and hollow again. He stayed out of the way, avoiding conversation as much as he could and pretending he was fine when he couldn’t. This was easy as barely anyone was in the archives. _Because they’re all dead or hurt_ his mind kindly reminded him. He worked well into the night after everyone had left, waiting for his mind to calm a bit so he could sleep in the cot they had in the storage room. Ever since the Jane Prentis incident they kept the cot there, mostly because Jon had a habit of staying late which would result in someone forcing him to take a nap because he refused to go home. Martin continued this routine of working late, sleeping in the cot, only going home to shower and get fresh clothes.

About a week later he lay there waiting for sleep to overtake him. But something kept playing on his mind. The tape. He hadn’t listened to the tape yet. He knew it was only a matter of time and he missed Tim’s voice. So he got up and grabbed the cassette player and placed the tape he kept in his bag inside. Martin sat and stared at the player, he couldn’t find it in himself to press play. He took a deep breathe in and pressed play.

_**Hey Martin,**_

_**I felt like I needed to say something in case this whole plan went south. I made sure Elias knew so hopefully you won't have to hear this unless I haven’t made it back to you.** _

Tears started to blur Martin's vision. He knew that this was the last time he would hear Tim say.

**_I really hope you don’t have to listen to this but honestly? I don’t know if there would be a better way to go. Of course, I’d much rather stay here with you but, this thing- it took my brother, it took Sasha from us. I have to make it pay, whatever it takes._ **

Martin felt the familiar burning of tears pouring down his cheeks. He wanted to grab Tim. Go back in time and grab him, tell him not to go.

_**I know these past two years have been hard but I need you to promise me something. Promise me you’ll live a great life without me. I don’t want you to mope around like I did these past couple months, don’t be angry. I know you Martin, and if you go around blaming yourself then you won’t be able to live. You’ve got to get out there Martin! For me.** _

Martin felt his chest ache as he tried to quiet his sobs with the sleeve of his jumper. It was one of the extra soft ones Tim had gotten him for christmas. He got Tim to wear them quite a bit so some of them even smelled like him.

**_God, this is so ironic isn’t it? I hate these fucking things and yet this is how I might be saying goodbye to you. Alright, I guess this is it my love. I’ll see you in the next life. I love you Martin, don’t forget that._ **

And with that the tape clicked off. He let his tears flow freely, he was so loud he thought that someone was going to call someone. But it was 2am and he was alone. He pressed the rewind button and pressed play to start it again. He fell asleep to the sounds of Tim.


End file.
